Anticipatory Grief occurs prior to death and is similar to the normal mourning process. This kind of grief impacts both the family or loved ones as well as the person dying.
Let me clear, anticipatory grief does not just apply to death such as terminal illness or a life threatening fatal accident. It may apply to high risk lifestyles, gang involvement, and repeated threats or attempt of suicide. It can also be present with surgical procedures, divorce, company downsizing, and war.
While the standard conditions of grief are presented (denial, bargaining, depression, anger, and acceptance), anticipatory grief is still unique in experience and how each individual will act and react.
Phase I: Death is inevitable – no expectation for cure or recovery. Feelings of sadness and depression are expressed.
Phase II: Heightened concern for dying person – feelings of regret, guilt, hostility, helplessness are felt. The person dying may fear at leaving family behind and be overwhelmed by the emotions of their loved ones.
Phase III: Period of death rehearsal – discussion of afterlife, make funeral arrangement and financial decisions, say good bye’s.
Phase IV: Loved ones fear what life will be like without this person, what happens to belongings, missed events. Considerations for telling others.
If anticipatory grief is something your family is experiencing, please know this will not necessarily make the actual loss easier when it happens. Loved ones may feel like they are abandoning or giving up if they entertain the inevitable. Loved ones may also become defensive after loss because they believed in wishful thinking or miracles.
Please do not hesitate to reach out to me if you need help processing anticipatory grief or after effects of loss.