Divorce is a very adult decision that affects everyone; the kids, the pets, the friends, the in-laws and the out-laws. How do you get through such a huge life event without screwing it up?
First, know you will, inevitably, make mistakes. You will say the wrong thing, do the wrong thing to someone, somewhere. But start with the following tips on how NOT to make mistakes with your children.
This is an excerpt from an article from divorce expert M. Gary Neuman for WebMD:
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Don’t make your child the messenger. Everyone knows the messenger is the one shot – do not put your child in the firing line. Use email or pick up the phone. Worse case, communicate through your lawyer.
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Do not make your child your therapist. You may need someone on you side or to validate your feelings – your child is not that person. Find a friend, family member, or counselor to be your sounding board.
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Don’t tell your children what to think or feel about the divorce or the other parent. Never criticize your ex as they personalize this as part of them is bad. Listen to your children, try to understand what they feel, help them sort out their fears without offering your own.
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Don’t interrogate your child about the other parent. You would not like your ex digging into your private life, do not ask your children for information. Ask how the visit, vacation, or weekend was and let it go.
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Don’t ignore your mistakes. Take accountability for your actions and apologize. Be a good role model for your children and take the high road.
What other things have worked for you in co-parenting?