The Year of First’s

Some say nothing is harder than the loss, until you experience the Year of First’s.   The first day, the first week, the first month… and every gut wrenching memorable milestone in between!

Maybe it’s a birthday or wedding anniversary.   Maybe it’s an event; a reunion, child’s wedding, another death, or holiday (like Mother’s Day or Father’s Day).

Memories can also be triggered by events not on the calendar, for instance, a movie you watched together, a song on the radio, a rose bush bloom he planted for you.  Seeing, hearing, and experiencing things for the first time can be hard.

Doing activities by yourself for the first time; paying bills, attending a social function, cooking, getting the oil changed, putting the kids to bed – can be enough to make you angry or resentful.

Asking for and getting support is really important the first year.   Usually family and friends flood your home until after the funeral, then you wonder where everyone went.  Make sure you know who you can ask when you need support – it may be an unlikely friend or new friend.

This is a tough time because your friends and family are also grieving and it’s difficult to be present for someone else when you are in grief too.   You must take time for yourself.  Do things that support your needs.  Meet new people and do/try new things.   Remember and honor your emotion, pain, and loss.