I took the ‘it isn’t mine to tell’ approach. I wasn’t sure if June was comfortable with people knowing and what she wanted them to know. Frankly, it was kind of nice to plead the fifth. I didn’t have to keep reliving the moment. I could take a break from it. Unlike June who was now living with not just the news but the tumor too!
But more importantly, June needed to be comfortable with talking about it. She will need to be strong to see herself through this and owning the information (and how it is disseminated) is key to that.
She called me after speaking with her boss and was relieved to have the cat out of the bag and learn of his support. It was enlightening for her to find support from someone other than me. This was a new dimension for her – that people really care! As more and more people found out then started worrying about what they thought of her. She didn’t want pity.
It is a double edge sword telling people, letting them in. She wants the validation but doesn’t want people feeling sorry for her. She wants support but feels guilty when she gets it.
We had a long talk about how she isn’t responsible for how people take the news or what they do with it. She isn’t to blame when someone feels bad for her situation. She can’t control what they say either. She can’t be mad it someone she didn’t want to know finds out. The tough realization – she can’t take it wrong if someone doesn’t believe she’s sick or minimizes her strife.
Bad news is handled differently by people. Some can handle it, some can’t. Some even switch the drama from the message to themselves. There is nothing she can do about how people receive the news! She can just move forward… and get well.