Disappointing others is a huge obstacle to overcome, second only to being disappointed by others.
So you are sick, not feeling well, struggling with after effects of chemo, or just seriously fatigued… where is your support system? Don’t these people know you are fighting cancer? You know you would be there for them if they needed you or not!
THAT is the problem. Once you expect someone to do something for you – here’s the key – and you haven’t said what you need, then you will be disappointed. Everytime. And it isn’t just about the big things – it is more likely to be the small things: phone calls, visits, invitations, someone to just ask how you are, etc.
- You have to let people know you would love a phone call, or “Friday’s are a great day to get out of the house”.
- Have a caregiver or confidant you can vent to. Someone who can understand when your pride is standing in the way.
- Establish a fallback plan. In case someone fails, have a second string you can count on in case of emergency or on rare occurrences.
Ask for what you need… otherwise others won’t know you need it.
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Thank you for writing this! It drives me crazy when I know people need help, but they won’t tell anyone what they need. If I ask what I can do to help, that means I WANT to help. I don’t want to intrude on anyone, but, if there is something, ANYTHING, I can do to help, I want to know! I will clean, cook a meal, do yardwork, etc., but I am not going to randomly walk into someone’s house and clean a bathroom.
On the opposite side, I don’t want people to ask how they can help if they are not willing to follow through. I was laid up once, and a relative asked if there was anything she could do to help. I answered that my husband was able to keep up the inside stuff, but my (small) flowerbeds were in desperate need of weeding. Oh, the look I got! Apparently weeding did not fall under the category of “anything”. I ended up crawling through my flowers on my hands and knees pulling weeds. I’ve never forgotten that, or how much it hurt.